The Turning of the "Screw"
The burning question of the moment is … “am I good enough 4 a hook up but not good enough 2 date?” Ludicrous, right? I mean, I know I have a whole lot to offer someone, but right now that’s just the way I feel.
There’s this boy who I’ve hooked up with on a couple of occasions, nothing serious of course. We’ve talked online a bit and as it turns out during one conversation we were both single and looking 2 date, hoping that by dating we could find love. Well? We’re both single, young, attractive, have similar interests, and we're obviously sexually into each other, so why don’t we go out? Seems like a natural progression, right? So, I called him a few times, I invited him over a time or two, but nothing, No play. Foul ball. Remember the post about hot and cold boys? Well, anyhoo, whenever I see this person in public, it’s a struggle for him to string two sentences together because he’s so busy trying to avoid me. There have been times he’s been out where he won’t even recognize that I’m there with even a simple hello. Ok, who has time for this bullshit, right?
Well, the other night in a fit of sexual desperation, I invite this boy over because A.) I’m horny B.) he doesn’t count in my “no casual sex” mantra because we’ve hooked up before on more than one occasion , and C.) I seriously like him and would LOVE the chance to see him again and actually go out in public like real people. So, I invite him over, he accepts, he’s on his way, and of course, for the third time in a row, he doesn’t show. Again, whatever. Typical ho-like bullshit.
So, the very next night I’m out at the bar and in he walks … and my friend happens to be interested in him. Things progress and as it turns out they talk for an hour, exchange numbers, go out on a “date” the next day and REALLY hit if off. And how many times did I call him and invite him out?
So, u know what, as for my friend, I hope it works out because he’s a fucking great guy and he deserves all the happiness in the world. But if I’m selfish here for a moment, what the hell was wrong with me? Honestly, I think I know exactly what it is and believe me, I’m gearing up to write about THAT particular issue in another post soon, but how will this work for me and my friend if this goes beyond a date or two and they end up seeing each other? Everytime I see him it’s going to remind me that I wasn’t good enough to date, only for a quick screw, regardless if it’s true or not, and it’s going to sting. It fucking stings now.
At the same time, I can’t say anything to my friend because I don’t want to sabotage whatever might happen between the two of them. So, if something does transpire, I’ll have no choice but to get over it and, of course, eventually I will.
Ick. Am I stupid to feel this way? Who cares, it’s the way I feel and it actually helps to write it down. Keeping this little blog is actually proving to be kind of cathartic. I just hope 2 God that nobody I know actually reads it. That would suck. Whoever u are in cyberspace still reading, let’s keep this strictly hush hush and on the DL, aiiight?
"Everybody needs somebody." - Saturn, Boy 2 Boy
There’s this boy who I’ve hooked up with on a couple of occasions, nothing serious of course. We’ve talked online a bit and as it turns out during one conversation we were both single and looking 2 date, hoping that by dating we could find love. Well? We’re both single, young, attractive, have similar interests, and we're obviously sexually into each other, so why don’t we go out? Seems like a natural progression, right? So, I called him a few times, I invited him over a time or two, but nothing, No play. Foul ball. Remember the post about hot and cold boys? Well, anyhoo, whenever I see this person in public, it’s a struggle for him to string two sentences together because he’s so busy trying to avoid me. There have been times he’s been out where he won’t even recognize that I’m there with even a simple hello. Ok, who has time for this bullshit, right?
Well, the other night in a fit of sexual desperation, I invite this boy over because A.) I’m horny B.) he doesn’t count in my “no casual sex” mantra because we’ve hooked up before on more than one occasion , and C.) I seriously like him and would LOVE the chance to see him again and actually go out in public like real people. So, I invite him over, he accepts, he’s on his way, and of course, for the third time in a row, he doesn’t show. Again, whatever. Typical ho-like bullshit.
So, the very next night I’m out at the bar and in he walks … and my friend happens to be interested in him. Things progress and as it turns out they talk for an hour, exchange numbers, go out on a “date” the next day and REALLY hit if off. And how many times did I call him and invite him out?
So, u know what, as for my friend, I hope it works out because he’s a fucking great guy and he deserves all the happiness in the world. But if I’m selfish here for a moment, what the hell was wrong with me? Honestly, I think I know exactly what it is and believe me, I’m gearing up to write about THAT particular issue in another post soon, but how will this work for me and my friend if this goes beyond a date or two and they end up seeing each other? Everytime I see him it’s going to remind me that I wasn’t good enough to date, only for a quick screw, regardless if it’s true or not, and it’s going to sting. It fucking stings now.
At the same time, I can’t say anything to my friend because I don’t want to sabotage whatever might happen between the two of them. So, if something does transpire, I’ll have no choice but to get over it and, of course, eventually I will.
Ick. Am I stupid to feel this way? Who cares, it’s the way I feel and it actually helps to write it down. Keeping this little blog is actually proving to be kind of cathartic. I just hope 2 God that nobody I know actually reads it. That would suck. Whoever u are in cyberspace still reading, let’s keep this strictly hush hush and on the DL, aiiight?
"Everybody needs somebody." - Saturn, Boy 2 Boy
posted by Saturn at
10:24 PM
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